random thoughts

if this world is falling apart, who would you save first?

would it be the ones you loved?

would it be the ones with most potential?

would it be the ones who can save the others?

would it be the ones that have superb intelligence?

would it be yourself?

if this world is a living hell, what would you do?

would you rather stay and suffer with the ones you love?

would you rather kill yourself and ease yourself from the sufferings?

would you rather try and make the world a better place for everyone to live in?

would you rather try and make the world a better place for you to live in?

would you be the hero or the normal earth citizen or the villain?

what is it that makes us all different from each other?

why is someone born nicer or more talented than the others?

why does someone react in a way that people may not comprehend?

why is someone prettier than the others?

why does someone have more perseverance than others?

why why why? we ask why, but do we really want the answers?

or we don’t ask why, but don’t we really want the answers?

we let things be too easily. we don’t ask questions.

we just let things go per normal without really knowing why.

or we just don’t feel the urge to know why,

as long as it does not bother us in any way,

we just can’t be bothered.

we are weak, too soaked in emotions.

too engulfed in anger to think of the best for ourselves.

too overwhelmed with sadness to make the right decisions.

too filled up with resentment to be ourselves.

we’re not flawless. we’re not perfect.

but does that stop us from trying to be?

by trying to be perfect,

we get lost in the ambition,

believe me, the ambition provokes those emotions

(anger, sadness, resentment)

because we fail to achieve the goal.

was lost but found again,

Devy

a year has passed.

here comes the time.. slowly creeping out, haunting us, chasing us down.

sometimes we get beaten. sometimes we rejoice over victory. sometimes we just get along with it.

change is the only constant in life. so, with time, change follows.

it may be something expected, it may be something horrendous,

but the most important thing is the impact of it.

it is inevitable, it is irreversible, it is inexplicable.

but, the one thing that we can control is, our reaction towards it.

change can be in a form of anything.

it can be a change in the heart, a change in the mind, a change in a body, or anything.

some may not be desired by the person who undergoes it,

some may also have been longed and yearned.

some may be so puny that it is neglected,

some may be so massive that it is perplexing and confounding.

i have changed. she has changed. he has changed.

it has changed. they have changed. we have changed.

the entwined twelve, we were, in fact we are, shoulder to shoulder when those changes come in avalanche.

we hold each other's hands, grasp each other's hands, clench each other's hands.

we shed the tears, we share the laughter, we savour every moment.

the entwined twelve, there is a reason why we are called 'the entwined twelve'.

that is simply because we are entwined.

entwined in the chain of friendship,

entwined in the knot of sisterhood,

entwined in the manacles of family.

i thank you, for groaning when i complain.

i thank you, for pointing out my mistakes.

i thank you, for laughing at my 'very funny' jokes.

i thank you, for sticking like a glue when i am down.

i thank you, for celebrating my birthday.

i thank you, for the times we had together.

i thank you, for the boast we have for our unity.

i thank you, for the sickness of your lame jokes.

i thank you, for hearing my doubts and worries.

i thank you, for sharing me your thoughts and beliefs.

i thank you, for the smiles, the frowns, and the shine in your faces.

Lastly, i thank you, for showing me an infallible love for a friend.

a year has passed and we made it through.

it wouldn't be, if it weren't for me and you.

Wishing us the BEST luck for next year,

Wishing our unity to stay eternally,

Wishing that we'll have a blast at home,

Wishing that everyone will do well,

Wishing that we will forever be, THE ENTWINED TWELVE,

Devy Cendana

Expect the unexpected!

Yesterday was the day that I've been waiting since 2 months ago. It's the end of OBS, Outward Bound Singapore. Camping, kayaking, hiking are the activities there. I got the sea expedition, which means 24 km kayaking from Pulau Ubin to Pulau Sembawang. 

It was tiring, of course, but it was worth it. 

"The most painful experience is when you repeat the same mistake again", that's what my instructor said. 

"What do you wanna be in hot water? The egg, which will harden or the carrot, which will soften or even coffee, which will make the water changes color, fragrance, and taste?", this is what he asked on the last day.

We were pushed to our maximum in this course, with pressure and target. We have to have integrity and determination. Our mission was to paddle 24 km. I never thought that I could do it, but yeah, I did it and it feels awesome! Even though there were lots of obstacles, like weather, the current, the waves, and the wind, we still made it!!!

From this journey, I can learn something. Its not about what you got, its about how you make use of it. 

Everyone can paddle, but not everyone would try to paddle 24 km. 

We were required to work with our teammate. It doesn't matter which class she is from, we just work together. From this experience, I learned, there are people who try but didn't make it and there are people who can, but didn't try. There are people who are thankful for what they receive from others and there are people who give because they are thankful for them.

I was an observant there, looking for different traits and personality. And I gained a lot. 

People encourage others mostly because they need the encouragement too. 

People would help those they know well first. 

Those who didn't cry when they were stuck in the storm may not be stronger from the people who cried.

Those who seldom smile may be more considerate and encouraging from those who smile a lot.

A tap on the shoulder can make a person feels a lot better. 

A phrase, "Well done, girls!" or "Good job!" can make us paddle 5 km longer. 

People can actually persevere in changing environment, no matter how severe the changes are. They will always find ways to adapt.

People can change.

I was there, I witnessed all the pain, all the joy, all the comfort of enduring things that we can't expect. 

Expect the unexpected!

You will never know what you can do until you are pushed to it! 

Expecting the unexpected,

Devy

?

me in my school uniform!

me and my friend, Gladys in Kampong Glam

Did you see my exuberant smile? 

Actually, it was the best times I've ever had in Singapore.

The school and the friends. 

The hostel and the environment. 

Hmm.. I'm not really sure of what I should write bout SG. 

It's all nice. 

But still, 

missing family and home..

Devy

Leaving FRIENDS, Leaving HOME, Leaving FAMILY, Leaving BALI, Leaving INDONESIA

The day after tomorrow is the day that I'm gonna leave.

I'm gonna leave my friends, -well I don't have that much of friends, but I really appreciate those who stand by me-

I'm gonna leave my family, -my parents, the reason why I'm doing this. my brothers, who always wanted the best for me-

I'm gonna leave home, -the only place I've been living in, it is even older than me, it's 20 years old now-

I'm gonna leave Bali, -the island I always worship, where I've done everything I've ever accomplished-

I'm gonna leave Indonesia, -which I decried the most, but deep inside, I am always proud of it in International Events, despite of the poverty, corruption-

Leaving.. I've been thinking bout it since ever. 

But I don't really feel like doing it,

even though I've packed my things, I've said goodbyes, I've known where I'll live in SG

but there's this one thing,

I'm still at home. 

I still joke around with my bros, I still chat with my mom,

and most of all, I'm still at home. 

I'm proud of my mom.

I'm the only daughter she's got, but yet, she packed my things with no hesitation.

Man, how could she be that strong??

Me, I sometimes cried at night, knowing I won't be sleeping on this bed anymore. 

Gosh, I'm so fragile. 

My bro,

There was this one night, when he went to my room,

said that he wanted to spend the night with me.

Then, he talked about me going to SG, how they will miss me,

how he always wanted the best for me.

Both of us cried that night, all together, holding each other's hand until we fell asleep.

I promised  everyone here, that I will be good,

living life there happily,

and

reach all of my ideals.

It seems like this goodbye, means 

a new start for me.

Where I can erase my past -which I am not proud of-

Where I can do better

Where I can start to learn to treat people better

Where I can be someone new,

someone better.

Goodbye friends, home, family, Bali, Indonesia,

Devy C

THE *NEW* KING OF TENNIS 2008

World, we got ourselves a new king of tennis of 2008!
Nope, no more ROGER.
2008, is the year of RAFA NADAL!!!

In case you didn't know, Nadal won the 2008 Wimbledon.
He also had won 4 titles of Roland Garros.
In the Wimbledon, he ceased Roger from winning his 6th title of Wimbledon.
He also, for the record, stopped Roger from 6-years of being Number One Tennis Player on the planet.

He is showing progress for the last 2 years.
For instance, this is his 2008's record for grandslams.
Australian Open : Semifinal
French Open : Winner
Wimbledon : Winner
US Open : Semifinal



Rafa on the previous match of Mutua Madrilena

L. I. G. H. T.

'Try to leave a light on when I'm gone.. Something I rely on to get home..' Light On, David Cook.

'Darlin' leave a light on for me.. I'll be there before you close the door.. To give you all the love that you need..' Leave a Light On, Belinda Carlisle

Light.. Give me light.
To bright my path.. Make it obvious..
I am confounded by destiny.
How I never seem to understand the path that I'm going to.
But here's the thing, it makes me think.
It makes me wander in my own mind.
Why is everything so absurd?

Light.. Show me how it works..
Lighten up everything I've been missing..
So I won't shed a tear in the future,
regretting those things.

Light.. Show me the way.
I want to mean something to someone.
I wanna be a guidance. I wanna be the something!
Can I? Or it just doesn't meant to be?
When I'm gone, will anyone realize?
Will I be remembered?
Or will I just be a painful and regretful memory of someone's?

Light.. Give me a clue.
I can't stand it,
wondering,
how am I to be lingered?
Or wouldn't I be?

It's me,
Devy

URGENT!

I am going to do that *HORRIBLE* test again!
Oh Looord, help meee.. I better pass, cause if not, my mom's gonna give me one-hour lecture!
BAM!!

Oooooh nooooooo! Can anyone help me to learn? I dunno what to learn actually..
I already quit my English Course.. Oh my..
I dunno what to do now..

Need urgent help!
Devy

I

I was looking through one of my friend's blog and I realized that I wanted to bring this topic long ago. But I always forgot somehow. So here it is.

Did you know that the a research showed that 'I' is the most used word in telephone?
Well, it's a fact and I think we should all know that.

In case you're wondering, what's the point of me writing this? Bringing this topic?
It's not weird that the word 'I' is used a lot.
Lemme tell you, THAT is the point.
Still got confused?

We, we just don't realize of how often we talk about ourselves.
I mean, we just care about ourselves, we tell stories, not caring whether the listener wants to hear the story or not.
For example, when you talk about Harry Potter,
'Oh, I love Harry, but I hate Ron. I envy Hermione, she's so beautiful and talented. And Mrs. Weasly, I think she is so nice. Dumbledore too, I adore him so much..'

What about if you slip something like,
'what do you think of Harry? he seems nice. And Hermione, isn't she adorable?'
You know, just stuff like that. Get your listener involved in the conversation.
Just try to avoid the word I.
Well, sometimes I do it too, to be honest.

And one more thing we really really often do,
we commented very slightly on someone's story,
just because we think we have something more important or amusing to tell.
BUT, A VERY BIG BUT,
if we are the ones to tell the story, we would like to hear an impression, right?
we want to be heard, and noticed.
In that way, we use the word I more because we tell stories of our own.

Now, I've been trying not to use the word I, but it's too hard.

We have to understand and try to be sensible of everyone's feeling.
No matter who he/she is.
Don't just think about yourself, you got tons of people around you to pay attention to.

Lemme tell you a story,
there was this one guy, I had a long chat with him.
I told a story, it's about me doing weird things. I suppose he was not interested but I kept going instead.
He seemed to pay no attention, and just saying uh-huh, oh, yeah, and stuff.
and as soon as I finished my story, he came up with his own.
No comments, no compliments, nothing.

Well, from that on, I listened to every single of everyone's story because I know how it feels to be ignored, and hell yeah, it hurts.
So, guys, let's be good to each other.
I hurt people all the time, and I don't want you to do that.

Right now, I know you're thinking that I have no right to tell you anything bout your life.
But believe me, it hurts. And if you don't care, you are going to be the one to feel hurt inside.


Learning from my all of the blunders I've made,
Devy

L . O . V . E

Have you ever loved someone?
Have you ever being loved by someone?

Oh, how ludicrous love is! yet, how enormous love is!
The unconditional love, do you believe in it?
Love is untold. Unexplainable.

Some believe that love is meant to be.
Some believe that love can find its own path.
Some believe that love grows.

I believe that love is just the way it is.
It is undeniable, in the same time, unacceptable.

The Darkness, once brought up a song called 'Love is only A Feeling'
The chorus says,
'love is only a feeling -drifting away-.. when I'm in your arms I start believing -its here to stay- but love is only a feeling.. anyway'

Well, it is true that love IS a feeling.
but it's not ONLY a feeling, it's greater than just a feeling...
Like I said, love is unexplainable..

L..ost in words when describing it
O..blivious about it
V..ast of curiosity about it
E..ternity will never be enough for it

Oh, LOVE, be there for me..
Rock my world with every sense you got!


Hmmm,
Devy

Just me

' Don't worry, bout a thing, cause every little thing, is gonna be alrite.. '

Remember that? A song from Bob Marley which is used as a soundtrack of the movie I am Legend? Good song..

Anyways, I've got problems. You know, I often underestimate people.
I think I wrote it before, that I praise myself to high that I can't look down.
I'm a bad bad person.
If you don't know me, well, its just the matter of time that someone will find out how bad I am.

You know, I find people that stick around me very fascinating.
How can they even endure being near me? If I were those people, I really really can't be around myself.
I am loathsome. I should be hatred.

I wish I could be like Johny Gunther, Jr.
He suffered brain cancer but still lived his life blithely.
I wish I could do that, I'm trying to.

I want to be someone. No, I want to be something for someone.

I always considered myself as the forlorn one, but I am disgraceful of what I posses.
This post, is a verbose post. I am just selfish and inconsiderable. That's the point.

A Walk to Remember

Jamie and Landon


Have you ever read or seen the movie 'A Walk to Remember'?
Well, if you haven't, you should.

Its about a seventeen-year-old boy who fell in love with a girl.
But the girl had leukemia.
She used to dream of getting married in the same church her parents got married.
She dreamed of her dad walking her down the aisle,
then finally, gave her up to her lovely husband.
But it just seemed impossible.
She was just seventeen.
But this boy, came like a miracle to her,
he was so crazy about her, crazy in love, I mean.
They finally got married, when she was very sick.
She was so weak, that she and her father had to stop twice before reaching the altar.
That walk, along the aisle, with such an effort, was worth remembering.
That's why the story was called 'A Walk to Remember'.

'Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes' - Corinthians.

Its a passage where the girl highlighted and wanted to show to the boy.
She was very kind and wise.
A character that no one shall beat or defeat of its greatness.
Nicholas Sparks is amazing and adorable.

Want to know more?
Visit this link
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0281358/


Amazed,
Devy Cendana

Unfortunate Friends and Me

I wanted to define the meaning, I want to decipher the unspoken feelings of having one.
But I can't. I never have one in my life, I mean, the true one, the one I can confide in.
No one has ever really share things with me.
Maybe I've been noticed, but not trusted.

I can gain people's trust to believe in me to handle things, to make things right.
But I can never ever make them know that I care.
All these years, I've been such a braggart.
That almost everyone have such a very uncomfortable feelings for me.

Back then, I didn't know.
Now, I think it's too late to fix it.
I know, never say too late, but it really is.
I wish I could go back to three years ago, and make everything goes better.

I have to move on, I know.
But there are certain points where I know that I am the one to blame,
but I praise myself too high that I couldn't find my way down.

I resent myself, for being selfish,
I am trying not to be,
but it's very hard, cause it already seemed like me.
Selfish, me, selfish, me,
seems like so connected, its like permanently curved in me.

I really am trying to change.
In every aspect.

Wish me luck..



Wishing myself luck,
Devy Cendana

Art of Life

"When there's no heart breaking, there will be no healing.
When there's no healing, there will be no learning.
When there's no learning, there will be no struggle.
And struggle is a part of life" - Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill.

I wonder, if we ended up sobbing, will we get better?
I mean, we have our self resilience, right?
For example, when you fail a subject, you will try harder, right?
Maybe you don't realize it, but there's something that mends your heart when it was broken.

I once had a problem, about understanding how human could be that fragile the same time he/she could be strong.
But I know that's the way it was supposed to be, right?
We get hurt, we be strong, and we'll be back to normal.

Many people don't realize of how they great they are.
Many people don't realize how special they are to people around them.

I always wanted to tell my friends,
how important they are to me, how I appreciate every moment I spent with them,
but I was too afraid of listening or seeing how will they react.
I'm afraid that it would disappoint me,
but it turns out that I lost them, that I can never hold on to them again.

I wanted to be indifferent, pathetic,
But I ended up knowing that everything was meant to be felt.
Even though by feeling it means hurting ourselves, but that's just the art of life, right?

Once again, inspired by Lucas Scott,
Devy Cendana

My Day Yesterday

I had this *HORRIBLE* test yesterday.
It's called TOEFL. Gosh! Very very difficult for me.
It's even very weird. Can you imagine an English test without problems of structure and grammar?
There was only listening and reading! You know what's most annoying?

The passage is so *DAMN* long! It's like a page full of passage with 10-15 paragraph! And, one passage is only for 10 questions! Gosh!
I am NOT going to pass the stupid test!

And for listening, we had to listen to a part of a LECTURE! LECTURE! Gosh!
It's like 5 minutes lecture for just 6 questions! Urgh! I felt like dying there, ya know?
I was kinda stressed out yesterday.

Then, I rented some movie. Actually, it's a movie and a serial.
The movie, Kungfu Panda, hell yeah funny.
But the serial, it's like a Korean serial.
Man, had I not understand a part of the serial!

Oh, man, I've had a worse day than this one.
But, just take it easy! This day would be so much better!

Just a Little of Something

I have not much to tell, not much to say.
But I really want to share, to someone, one day.
Unfortunately, I have no guts, I want to gain some, if I may.

I am afraid, afraid of the sudden raid of my emotion.
It may just bursts away without any precaution.
So sudden, screws up all of my motion.

I hate the dark, but I dislike the burning light,
But the warmth of the sunlight, just feels like holding me tight.
Just like the cold of the dark that accompanies me every night.

I think a lot about the life that's hard to endure,
But I know I'll survive for sure,
Just be nice and act mature.

Life. It's confusion.

have you ever wonder how were we invented?
have you ever think about it?

it's too hard for us to understand what we were made of, or how we are invented.
then, if we do not know what we were made of or who invented us,
no wonder we are so hard to find who ourselves really are, right?

why do we have to survive?
why do we have to fight so hard?
is it just a game?
ever since we come into this world as a baby who knows nothing, why do we have to survive?

where do feelings come from?
I'm not sure it is from our heart, because if it is, we don't even know what does our heart made of.
our soul, is it immortal?
do you believe that if we have found our soulmate in this life than we will find them again in our next life?
do you even believe that there is a next life after this?

why are there rich people?
why are there poor people?
do you truly believe that it depends on how hard we try?
what if there's a smart person but he was unlucky?
where does luck come from?

who invented destiny?
who managed our luck?
is it God?
how can God manage six billion people in the world?
not that I wanted to underestimate God..
but it's just confusing.

Fill it up

Create your own Friend Test here

WIMBLEDON!

Are you a big fan of tennis?
Yeah? Are you sure?

Now, let's discuss some of the hottest news in tennis!
The hottest one, involving two hot tennis players,
RAFAEL NADAL and ROGER FEDERER!!

Yeah, yeah, Nadal defeated Roger in the final,
and yeah, Nadal IS the champion of the 2008 Wimbledon!!
Well, it's not a very big surprise anyway,
knowing the fact that Rafa beat Roger at Roland Garros by 6-0 on the third set.
Crazy, huh?

And, Vijay Amitraj, you are definitely wrong.
Did you know that his prediction on 'VJ on the Spot' is totally wrong?
Well, yeah, he kinda predict that Roger would win in 4 sets.

Wimbledon this came up with big surprises,
1. Ana Ivanovic , the number one-seeded, and the number one woman tennis player in the whole world, nearly defeated by Nathalie Dechy from Italy, but her luck saved her.

2. But Ana couldn't count on her luck for the second time as she was defeated by a double player from Chinese, Zheng Jie.

3. The beautiful, tall, and slender Maria Sharapova was defeated by her fellow Russian, Allan Kudryavtseva.

4. The great server Andy Roddick was beaten by Serbian Janko Tipsarevic, who played 5 sets to Roger Federer in the past Australian Open.

5. Jelena Jankovic, the player who was beaten by Lindsay Davenport on last year's Wismilak tournament, was beaten by Tamarine Tanasugarn, a Thai player who had a baby last year. Jelena was injuring her knee after playing Caroline Wozniacki in the previous round.

6. James Blake, the American player was also beaten by Janko Tipsarevic.

7. Richard Gasquet was beaten by the British Andy Murray in 5 sets after leading 2sets to love.

8. The third seeded Serbian, Novak Djokovic who had won this year's Australian Open, was surpsingly beaten by the Russian, the ex-number one men tennis player, MARAT SAFIN.

9. David Nalbandian, the seventh-seeded, was defeated by Frand Dancevic.

10. Nikolay Davydenko was beaten by Benjamin Becker.

11. The elder sister beat the younger one, YES! The Williams Sister! Venus got the trophy! And, they both won the woman doubles title too..

12. Bob and Mike Bryan cannot reach the final! ooohhhh.... But they both succeeded in the mixed-doubles, and made it to the final. Bob won the title.

That's it.

Hey, you know what, next year, there wouldn't be any rain delay or whatsoever.
The new roof will be ready by next year!!
Ooohh, I love Wimbledon!!!

Let's wait for another tournament, US Open, Masters Cup and Olympics.

If you are a tennis fan, contact me.
Find me on Friendster or Facebook by the name Devy Cendana.

It's a Part of Me You'll Never Know

I think I am different, you know, in every kind of way.
I'm not perfect, not even close.
I'm just different, weird, maybe.

I read a novel in the middle of a tennis match yesterday.
Oh, and by the way, Marat Safin was very, very awful in the semi of Wimbledon.

When I'm not feeling well, I can easily blow up, easier than when I'm healthy.
What I meant there, is not well in the physical way.

I cheated on several tests but I never regret it.
I scored good, if you wanna know.

I like listening 50 cent the way I like listening System of a Down and Good Charlotte and Britney.
Okay, I might like SOAD better than Britney. LOL

My English sucks, but I'm still trying hard to do better.
You might wonder why am I this confident to publish my writing then.
But uh, just like what I said, I'm trying.
And if you find any, any mistakes, will you contact me?
Devy Cendana, find me on friendster of facebook.

I talk to myself every time, I got no one to talk to.
I mean seriously, I do, but it just doesn't feel right.

I'm going to leave my family in just a few month,
but I don't feel like doing it.
I got no preparation, uh maybe courses, but instead of that, nothing.

When I was questioned who is the person that I admire the most,
I can barely answer it.

I'm confused.
I'm bored.

I even wonder why people are waiting for holiday.
Well, maybe that because I have nothing to do for holiday.
Oh, pity me..