Unfortunate Friends and Me

I wanted to define the meaning, I want to decipher the unspoken feelings of having one.
But I can't. I never have one in my life, I mean, the true one, the one I can confide in.
No one has ever really share things with me.
Maybe I've been noticed, but not trusted.

I can gain people's trust to believe in me to handle things, to make things right.
But I can never ever make them know that I care.
All these years, I've been such a braggart.
That almost everyone have such a very uncomfortable feelings for me.

Back then, I didn't know.
Now, I think it's too late to fix it.
I know, never say too late, but it really is.
I wish I could go back to three years ago, and make everything goes better.

I have to move on, I know.
But there are certain points where I know that I am the one to blame,
but I praise myself too high that I couldn't find my way down.

I resent myself, for being selfish,
I am trying not to be,
but it's very hard, cause it already seemed like me.
Selfish, me, selfish, me,
seems like so connected, its like permanently curved in me.

I really am trying to change.
In every aspect.

Wish me luck..



Wishing myself luck,
Devy Cendana